


The Crackiest Bachelor AU There Ever Was

by esdeathly



Series: Bachelor AU Fest [2]
Category: Finder no Hyouteki | Finder Series
Genre: BachelorAU, Crack af, M/M, a lot of slang terms?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 16:17:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7322107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esdeathly/pseuds/esdeathly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I stole the idea from Amelita and Delmire, but I thought, it's a house full of gay boys, might as well add some bitchiness and cat fights. </p><p>DELMIRE IF YOU WANT ME TO TAKE THIS DOWN I TOTALLY WILL???</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Crackiest Bachelor AU There Ever Was

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amelita](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelita/gifts), [Delmire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delmire/gifts).



> DELMIRE, AMELITA, IM DOING THE THING. 
> 
> Haha. Sorry guys. If you guys want me to remove it I will, I just thought that I could add some more humor and bitch in it.

He hadn't wanted it to be this way, it was hoax. Kou and Takato had drunkenly called in with their best friends information claiming that their "newly gay friend needs to get laid!". Neither boys expected Akihito do be chosen as one of the ten contestants. Deep down Akihito was absolutely terrified, he had only recently discovered his sexuality, and had never even kissed a man let alone attempt to woo him. 

After a few days, a man in a suit sat at his door, telling him to come, unpacked, just with whatever outfit he chose. Akihito wore his least destroyed pants and a nicer end v-neck. He knew he did not belong on this show the second he saw the Audi sitting in his apartment parking lot. Fuck. The giant troll of a man rudely gestured for him to get in, rolling his blue eyes he did just that. "Can we atleast get lunch? I haven't eaten, I didn't know about this." The blonde huffed indifferently. 

With a guttural noise the grunt answered, "No. There will be dinner prepared when we arrive at Sion Mansion. And you had notice, it was mentioned on the acceptance letter." Akihito flushed a little in embarrassment. He only read the first few lines on the letter before trashing it. It pissed him off. 

"What fuckin ever." The grunt groaned and made a comment about 'mouthy brats' but drove none the less. The ride was in silence for the most part. Akihito had attempted to talk to the bespectacled man in the front, but he was about as responsive as a dead moose and when he did speak he was about as interesting as mold growing on stale bread. He was like a fucking donkey. Did his job, but like all animals, DIDN'T TALK AT ALL. It pissed him off even more. Akihito filled his time with being as absolutely annoying as possible, spreading out in the back, occasionally 'accidentally' kicking or smacking the forever patient driver. With a clearly unapologetic "Sorry." Akihito pulled out his phone and without headphones or remorse played his hip hop songs, very very loudly, and then after that didn't work, he sang to them, even more loudly. 

"IM IN LOVE, nune kongkkakji ssuieosseo babe, Haui siljonge huin waisyeocheu babe-" The master following prick's eyebrow twitched. He was getting somewhere, after changing the tune to a more obnoxious one, he sang once more. "GIVE ME GIVE ME SOME, rae jjeoreo nae rap jjeoreo, Nae style-" 

"Okay! Kid, please! Just be quiet." Akihito grinned and quickly plugged in headphones, and acted proper for the rest of the ride there. 

The trip was a little over two hours long, but soon, rolling hills and untouched country side came into view, it was beautiful, Akihito hadn't seen sights like it since he was a young child. A castle like structure stood just barely in view; it was massive but gorgeous, the walls made of white stone stood high. Soon enough, the driver turned down a road, and the building came in full glorious view. Alabaster stone was carved into with lovely flower pattern, and grand wooden double doors stood at the entrance, rose bushes and vines grew along the sides, it was a mansion straight out of a fairy tale. "Is THAT the house?" 

"Yes, Akihito. It's the Sion Property, you will meet the contestants and then Asami-sama himself." With a 'hmm' of acknowledgement Akihito just gazed in awe. 

Soon enough they had pulled in the long driveway, rows of expensive foreign cars lined the driveway, there was even a big marble fountains. "Rich bastard, huh?" The driver chose to not respond. After parking, Akihito could barely contain his excitement, he jumped out of the car and Immediately pulled out his phone, using it's HD camera and began to take shots of the property. He really wished he was allowed to bring his digital camera; he would have gotten some fantastic shots. "Akihito-san I presume. Your introduction mentioned a passion for photography." The youth lifted his head and was met by a even more stoic man than his driver with a square jaw, and another pair of glasses. "I am Kirishima Kei, the butler and resident of this mansion. I will show you to the room where all the other contestants are." The man then turned and promptly walked away. Akihito rolled his eyes but followed, but not before mentioning something about Kirishima clearly being Alfred, therefore this Asami was was "fuckin' batman or some shit". After long halls of luxurious decorations, "Alfred" bowed and then opened a door. Seven men sat in the room. All of them much more well dressed than Akihito. There was an elegant dark haired man in full cheongsam, his green eyes glowed mysteriously, and his long silky hair was lightly braided and placed over his shoulder. He sat alone and was clearly reading a book. Two blonde men chit chatted with each other, both also had blue eyes, and they seemed to be speaking a different language. One wore a pure white suit and the other was in a baby pink, skin tight shirt and a fashionable pair of black skinny jeans. He had Gucci sunglasses tucked in his hair. There were a few other less noticeable, but still just as clearly rich men socializing. One man was in full traditional kimono. Kirishima entered and bowed, all men silenced and Akihito walked in with a pink blush on his porcelain skin. Even sitting down, Akihito could tell he was at minimum a head shorter than any man in the room. And it was so painfully obvious that he was commoner. Akihito had never felt uncomfortable in his own skin before, until this moment, when many ruthless eyes sat upon him, judging everything from his unruly hair, to his ripped jeans. He didn't realize that rather than that, the men had actually been looking at the adorably boyish fluff of his nearly silver hair, his cute button nose, his full plush lips, his willowy waist, but full hips, and plump bottom. They didn't judge him, rather they saw him as the biggest threat. Kirishima quickly spoke, ending the awkward silence and introduced all the men, the dark haired beauty was named Fei Long, a man from Hong Kong. Then came the tallest blonde, Mikhail a man of Russian decent, and the super model like teen, Sudou who had a constant frown and sickened gaze while meeting Akihito. Then came Sakazaki, a bear of a man and a club owner, Onodera a big time cop, then a few more Akihito couldn't remember. They were all rich though. All during the meeting, Fei Long's gaze hadn't left the youth for a moment, and once Kirishima left, the Chinese snake pounced, quickly by the frightened blondes side. "You look lost. And, not to be rude, you don't really belong here." 

"I know, I just, my friends did this and now I'm here, but I know I won't win, cause I mean like, look at you, you're beautiful and I'm like this, and I just-" Fei Long always had a bit of a soft spot for kids, and Akihito was clearly just a lost kid. With a huff and a rolling of eyes he quickly wished Akihito away to his corner, seating him. 

"You'll be okay. Look, I know you really probably don't care about this at all, so I'll give you the low down." He glared towards the flamboyant blondes and spoke again, "Mikhail is a fashion designer, and a compulsive liar. He owns Arbatov couture, but don't trust him with shit. The other one, a fashion model, he is a mouthy bitch, talks a lot of shit, don't listen to him. He's as dumb as a rock. The other men, I don't know much about them, but any man in here would shank their own mother for a chance to get with Asami-sama for a night." Akihito nodded slowly. "Also, Aki-chan, call me Fei." The Chinese man smiled gently, and Akihito grinned back. 

"Okay, Fei lo-, Fei." The beautiful man was elegant in everything, even his movements, but his voice had just a slight hint of 'sarcastic bitch' in it, but Akihito was down for that. Green eyes rolled again. 

"Mouthy bitch at 6 o'clock-" 

"Excuse me Fei Long? Did I hear that correctly? 'Mouthy bitch'?" Sudou's voice was so absolutely abhorrently high, Akihito visibly cringed. With the man in full proximity, Akihito could tell that the man wore traces of gold eyeshadow and mascara, with a touch of pink lipgloss. 

"Of course not Sudou, you must be hearing things. But who wouldn't, with a fucking voice like that. Dora explorer sounding bitch, is what I actually said." Shots. Fucking. Fired. Akihito gazed up to Fei in wonder, the man was now his damned idol. Sudou's cool resolve broke instantly, turning to ugly rage. 

"What did you say to me you drag queen whore?" 

"Absolutely nothing. A Queen doesn't speak to peasants." Akihito couldn't even think of a response, Fei Long was now crowned the Queen of Shade in his book. Sudou looked absolutely ready to thrown down right then and there. Everything settled when there was a clicking of a door and two more men walked in. 

After the introductions, Akihito spoke to Fei, "That was absolutely beautiful. I aspire to be like you." 

Fei smiled, and with a flick of a graceful  
hand he spoke. "It was nothing. Destroying young bitches like Sudou is the best part of my days." 

A while later, Kirishima entered in the room announcing it was time for dinner and also time to meet Asami. Everyone followed the stoic butler quietly, and then everyone sat at the table. Akihito sat next to Fei, and a man named Haru. Light chatter filled the beautiful dining room, as a waitress served all the men a glass of wine. Akihito had never tasted grape wine before, so he gently took sips of it, and realized he liked it a lot. It was much sweeter than the saki he usually drank. After a few glasses, the Butler stood at the head of the table and spoke. "Now introducing, Asami-sama." With a bow, he moved adjacent to the table and soon the tallest man Akihito had ever seen walked from the beautiful wooden doors. He donned a clearly custom made suit and his perfected slicked back onyx hair shone in the low light. His jaw was sharp and he had an incredibly handsome face. His eyes glowed gold, and Akihito knew why all the men were after this billionaire. 

Cause he was hot as fuck, and obviously batman. 

Fei Long chuckled at his side and Akihito looked around the table to find that every one else was laughing too. Even Asami himself wore an amused smirk. Akihito then realized that he had just said every bit of that out loud.

"Ohhhh, fuck."


End file.
